If Judas had not accepted his thirty silver-pieces, he would have been forced to admit that he could not explain his need to betray Jesus. It was precisely this inexplicability that Judas needed to eliminate through the elimination of Jesus, who is the embodiment of what matters and cannot be explained nor explained away.

But Judas looked too long. He saw and was unable to deny that his motives were only reflected on the face of the thirty silver coins, that month of little moons. He could not account for himself.

*

We are ashamed of our unaccountable evil, but we are also ashamed of our unaccountable good. We are ashamed of the heart.