I keep posting a story then pulling it down again. It is an ugly story, but it is not merely ugly. Things are beautiful from where I stand, but if you don’t stick with me long enough to see as I see, my outlook appears horrifying. Really, my perspective is necessarily horrifying. The entire point of my outlook is to include precisely what is universally excluded in the name of goodness, beauty, taste, optimism, etc.

After years of my kind of experimental seeing-and-digesting, it has gotten to the point that “sticking with me” is far too much to ask of anyone, even of a friend. Nevertheless, I ask anyway. It is painful to have to ask for such a thing, much less to be told “no” and to be reminded of the legal limits of “friendship”, or to be told “yes” and to be indulged or tolerated.

I’ve developed all sorts of sneaky ways of communicating with the unwilling. (I have to do my job.) It’s like feeding a baby.

*

If you cherish independence and individuality, at least follow me this far:

1) Do not fully exercise your independence and individuality or you will lose them. Genuine, radical, faithful, active individuality self-destructs. Instead be moderate and stop a little short. Think your thoughts against “the herd” to your heart’s content – but think them in the accepted manner of the herd. Especially protect yourself from the influence of any other individual. Remain comfortably “unique”. Once you cross over into genuine individuality you might find yourself unable to cross back over into the world of individualism. Even if you do get back, you’ll starve for authentic company. People will be around you, but they will not be with you.

2) If you know how to read, be careful who you read.

3) People do not love what they would love to believe they love. Some people are much easier to love as memories. A memory does not resist fictionalization.